Biblical Dating
As a person who is happily and contentedly single with no prospect in the near future of being something otherwise....it might seem a bit odd to be writing about dating especially since I have no real experience in such....but the thing is....I have seen ALOT of relationships in me life...some great (like my parents 29 years) and some not so great.....You watch and observe enough like I have for the past 22 years and you begin to see what you want and what you do want in a relationship...whats real and whats not. While I don't want that relationship now necessarily....knowing what I do want and what it is that makes something great makes it possible to sit by and be content to wait on God and be happy with my life as it is. Knowing that I am preparing for the right relationship and not merely settling for the standard of the American culture makes every second worth the wait and the work. What follows might be lofty ideas of what is good and right....but I wouldn't mind shooting for the stars and placing my life in the hands of a very capable Father God! If anything you read here intrigues you, I wholly recommend you read the http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/Boundless_BiblicalDating.pdfin its entirety. Or at least the parts that most interest you. What follows will be shorts pieces of each article that I found the most intriguing and influential on my life.

If the sole purpose of my life is to bring glory to God and to glorify Him in all things (which I believe it is) how best does this play out in the relationships in my life. I also believe in the sufficiency of the Bible and that it contains all that I need for life and godliness. What follows is my taking on this thing we like to call dating and what it could really mean in my life....
Romans 13:8-14 calls us to love others and to work for their souls good and not look to please ourselves. In my view the concept of biblical dating versus modern dating does not necessarily seek to bring that glory to the individuals but that it can point to a greater and a better....Christ Jesus. Biblical dating does not taking into account really my needs, my wants, my emotions and my desires. Biblical dating approaches relationships from the perspective of ministry and service and bringing glory to God. If biblical dating is about "being" the right person and not about "finding" the right person, am I being the right person to serve my future spouses needs and to be a God glorifying wife.
In the article to Kiss or not to kiss I was introduced to some old and some new concepts...all that only strengthened what I thought I might have already believed. Song of Solomon 2:7 clearly states to not arouse or awaken love before it so desires. The older I get the more I understand this and how true it is. I do believe along with the author that the Bible teaches that all sexual activity outside of marriage is sin, and all romantically oriented physical activity is sexual activity. Why would I want to begin something that I cannot have, at least for now, or maybe never. Every believer is my brother and sister in Christ and I am to act and to treat them accordingly. Romans 12:9-13 says that "love must be sincere... be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." 1 COr. 13:4-7 says that "love is not self seeking" Who am I seeking to serve, to bring glory to when I step outside of the bounds of what God says is right and holy within marriage, not singleness. In the end: God hates sin, all sin. Sin is destructive to me and to others, and it grieves the very heart of God. But He sent us His Son and did give us grace and hope free from sin. 1 John 1:9
1 Cor. 6:18 calls me to flee from sexual immorality. How can I best pursue that to which God in His word has called me to? He has called me to pursue holiness and purity in my life. It leaves little room for intentional flirtation with any sin, sexual or otherwise. How can I bring glory to God when I am chasing down every kiss and following after every romantically oriented activity. Who does this serve....God or me?
In the article “Are you ready to date” I wholeheartedly agree with the author....there is a reason that I am still single :). The author lists several points to being ready to date as I am trying to be (or prepare to be) a godly spouse even as I try to find a godly spouse. All singles who profess Christ and aspire to marriage- even as a possibility- have this responsibility. Step 1 is to reflect, before God on my spiritual walk and maturity in Christ. Step 2 is to know if I am at a place in my life in which I am ready
and able to marry. I would agree with the author also that if you can't happily picture yourself married within a year, you are not in a position to date (none of this 5 year dating stuff for me!!). Third I must look to God's word to decide the kind of person to date. Gen 2, 1 Cor 11:7-9, and Eph 5 talks somewhat about the idea of men initiating and women responding.... Even though they are referring to marriage it is wise and right to set up patterns that will serve you well in marriage, especially if one accepts the premise that the purpose of dating is to find a marriage partner. I need to do more in my life, while still enjoying my singleness to prepare for the right kind of marriage....the kind that honors and brings glory to God. In this model, women are to respond. And honestly that is the place that I want to be in my life. As a single woman, I need to be learning what it is to let a man assume spiritual leadership in the relationship and to respond to that leadership. Ultimately, for me this means learning to trust he goodness and the sovereignty of God.
In “Just Friends” the author talked about something that I had never really put that much thought into and that is how intimate of a friendship with someone of the opposite sex is OK. While I found myself generally agreeing with what the author said, I also feel that I need to dig deeper into this topic to better understand it. His point was that intimate friendships between men and women almost always produce confusion and frustration for one of the parties involved. These kinds of relationships tend to involve the sharing of many aspects of each others daily lives and routines. They tend to involve much of the type of intimacy and companionship involved in- and meant for-marriage. In the vast majority of these types of relationships, one of the parties involved either began the “friendship” with romantic feelings for the other person or develops them along the way. Looking at some recent movie trends like in “Valentines Day” or “Made of Honor” I see this trend becoming more true and evident making me want to agree with the author. One would also have to look at how others view that friendship. And what about a potential boyfriend or girlfriend...how would they feel about it?? Intimate friendships discourage the pursuit of the grown-up, God-intended outlet for martial desires- marriage. But all that being said...dating or courting relationships ideally do grow out of friendship among co-laborours in the Gospel. And God has called us to live the Christian life as a community of believers...look at 1 Timothy 5.
The next several articles in this piece on Biblical Dating dealt with the Relationship itself, from “The Early Stages” to “Growing in Intimacy” and to “Tips for Engagement” there were many worthwhile thoughts to be pursued and while I did read them and I did find valuable things in them for the purpose of this writing and because my life is not there right now, and because I do not desire to come off saying I know something when in reality, all I really know is what I would want and not what is reality, I do have this to say about this relationship section. My goal, and anyone's goal in dating as Christians is to save martial levels of interaction for marriage itself, to care well for the other person's soul, to be different from the world, and to bring glory to God.
The author of all of these article, Scott Croft, suggests that people should be married within a year of starting to date. Personally I don't think its that bad of an idea really. As I already talked about it a little bit earlier. Here is why he thinks this: longer realationships are only begging for trouble to come knocking. We can defraud our brother or sister in a dating context by showing or encouraging a level of intimacy, either emotionally of physically that the Bible reserves for marriage and marriage only. If we act like we are married before we've made that commitment, we are defrauding each other. To put the idea together.... “not acting married before your married”
And finally the most intriguing and yet “i don't know what I think” article of them all....”Settling”. Settling will perhaps make you happier in the long run since you won't become disillusioned with broken expectations. Settling is a willingness to date or marry someone who clearly fails to meet all of the major criteria on your “list” to the extent you dreamed about when picturing your spouse or doesn't appear to be your “soulmate” Hollywood is not real help here as so many of out expectations and desires are only in the movies anyways....i mean “blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic, Australian accent” come on....pretty sure that doesn't exist 99% of the time!! :) Not settling depicts 3 things, a selfish premise in that we misunderstand the Bibles idea of love, everybody settles in that I am a sinner, and I will marry a sinner no person I marry will be perfection in any way, and third nobody settles in that God has given us a gift in marriage when we deserve hell and God has designed this gift as one that just gets better with age.

Read the articles in their entirety...and I hope and pray that they will bless you as much as they did me... I leave you with this: John 14:15... “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.”